NCJ Number
170925
Journal
Child Abuse Review Volume: 7 Issue: 1 Dated: (January-February 1998) Pages: 44-57
Date Published
1998
Length
14 pages
Annotation
This paper focuses on shame in the family context and how the shaming of children is a core component of child abuse and its effects.
Abstract
Shame is a powerful emotion associated with the exposure of any aspect of the self that a person wishes to keep hidden from others. In its healthy manifestation, shame guards the boundary of the self and promotes a realistic self-appraisal of personal capacities and limitations; however, too much shame results in a sense of the self as fundamentally flawed and can lead to lifelong problems in living. It can lead to contempt for others, the exertion of power over others, self-deprecation, striving for perfection, withdrawal, and denial. These defensive postures protect against the experience of shame. If they prove ineffective, or the individual becomes overwhelmed by shame, some typical reactions are the seeking of isolation, rage, transfer of responsibility, humor, indifference toward personal character, and a sense of failure and unworthiness. Although shaming by a parent toward a child is important for the development of certain positive qualities in a child, toxic shaming occurs when it is performed for the benefit of the parent rather than the child. This occurs when the parent uses shaming toward the child as a regulator of self-esteem in the parent, as a means of managing past suffering, and as a means of controlling the child. The key feature of excessive shaming is emphasis on the failure of the child in the eyes of the parent, accompanied by turning away and conditional love. The most severe consequences of shaming are self-attack, the disowning of the self, and the splitting of the self. 15 references